Dealing with criticism and the art of coming back...

More than a few years back I took a job in door-to-door charity selling. The new boss Jon and I immediately had an understanding mainly built on a mutual love of Oxford. Although he went to Oxford and I went to Brookes we both had a shared common interest. Crucially I had just come from working from the best small businessman I know Dad so it was easy for me to get on with a younger version.

The point of that opening paragraph is to demonstrate the importance of making a good impression on those above you. Those people who you are ultimately answerable to. You don't have to be an arse licker-in fact I hate those 'yes' men and women. In truth Jon, the then-new boss will tell you I always told him how it was.

I've never been into anything other than being straight, laid back, and as no-nonsense as possible. As a Dyspraxic you won't get the luxury of swaggering telling people they are great, you won't have the time to be anything other than you. You are better than you think you are.

If you are a teenager or someone in their early twenties you will get rejected a few dozen more times than your perfectly dressed, yes men mates. Don't sulk or feel hard done by, just moving on. Go for a run, see a film or find a mentor.

There are times as a person, let alone a Dyspraxic when you just have to get the job done. It is an effective cliché but it is very apt for a Dyspraxic. When everything is traveling in a downward trajectory just keep doing what is effective.

Anyway about two weeks into this new role I was tired one morning and I remember feeling a bit negative and told Mum that non of the new workmates got me. To them, it appeared as if this guy was not a Dyspraxic but a drunk low IQ'ed person. Mum then proceeded to talk about patience, time, tautology and people will 'get you eventually'. Often this is frustrating in itself and in the current climate of instant gratification, 'likes' and image can almost be offensive. However sadly Mum had seen this all before.

Throughout my teenage years and twenties, I would over analyse every little thing and think this probably led to depression. Wondering why different women routinely passed me over for some moron, low life with the intellect of a backward village community. Please don't make the same young adult mistakes and try not to worry about it. Try not to question a potential suitor's logic.

Volunteering in and briefly working in Westminster has taught me that actually very, very little is actually about you. She/ he may have turned you down for any number of reasons. It may even have been about their own insecurities.

I'm pretty happy with who I am and have been for the most part of my life but there is no doubt that sometimes the relationship with Dyspraxia has been and is complex. Dyspraxia is with you all your life and if you let it dominate it will spread quickly. There is absolutely no doubt that it has led to an inferiority complex and has led to me being scared of women. The problem was two-fold:

A) I always liked feisty women with intelligence.

B) I always shook and got scared at the wrong moments.

So are there any ways to mitigate against this? Firstly, don't try and compete with potential competitors as you will probably lose. Secondly, steer away from being yourself and edit yourself into a neater version of yourself. If you do manage to go out with them there will be more than enough time to reintroduce yourself honestly.

Trust takes time to build up and picking the right partner is the most important decision you will ever make. To be absolutely blunt and almost crude the idea of a one-night stand is foreign to me. Sure there must be a time and perhaps even a place but for me, I much prefer to think of a girlfriend as a partner and not an object. Someone not only argues with but someone who will also defend you when everyone else doubts you. This also goes back to a natural distrust of 'yes people. 'yes people' won't fight your corner they will instead hide to appease.

At the door-to-door sales job a few weeks later the workmates began to get me just as Mum had predicted during that proceeding awkward kitchen pep talk. Mastering the art of coming back is as crucial as anything a Dyspraxic will face. Coming back is a discipline that is innate to us. As innate as spilling a cup of tea or miss shaving.

Coming back from being a fat barrel of a teenager, coming back from people seeing you wouldn't get beyond year five in a 'normal' school to get a degree, coming back from being unable to ride a bike to riding up Longis Hill, Alderney at breakneck speed. How does a Dyspraxic fight?

There are so early to mid-noughties Razor Light lyrics that say 'You have to learn how to fall before you learn how to fight', this chimes tightly with being a Dyspraxic. I've fallen literally and metaphorically but I never regarded the falls as being anything other than being a good anecdote.

The getting up says far more about you as a Dyspraxic person. Our highlights nearly always come from proving people wrong. Like an animal backed into a corner, there is nothing like a ruled out, underestimated Dyspraxic.

Have trust in your Dyspraxic child they will love proving everyone wrong and occasionally they may even prove themselves wrong. Dyspraxia will mean that they are sometimes overlooked but they will find a strategy for proving people wrong. They will find a way of moving rapidly from the initial, shock of a hard concrete ending fall.

Keeping notes on your failures and triumph is important. As a Dyspraxic take constant notes, be prepared to make mistakes, and be prepared to occasionally lose to those annoying detail people who love a good spreadsheet. Noting how you overcame certain problems, mistakes or just happenings will help shape future comebacks before they even happen.

Enjoy the comeback before I'm afraid to tell you that the fall wills will make frequent appearances. Move on from the falls as fast and as hard as you need to. This will help in most areas of your life. Moving on is about being aggressively proactive as opposed to getting mad and spiralling into a place of negative thoughts and self-loathing...

Hopefully, this post will help you negotiate the falls and help produce some stunning comebacks. You will get there just keep discussing, keep fighting and keep proving people wrong. Thank you for reading.