The Dyspraxic Dress Code

The moment that a group of Posh people crowned me Sandman as a 17 year on a hot Braye beach on an Alderney August afternoon was an important milestone in a way. Up until then I had always been covered head to toe in the sand on a beach and was completely unaware that people were judging this part of Dyspraxia. At this point, it finally clicked that the image you portray is really very important.

Humans judge each other and sadly most of how we judge is primeval: done purely on looks. This is why despite protests of innocence you rarely see a balanced couple where one person is ugly and the other is good-looking. It is partly responsible for the awful racism that still exists in a complex twenty-first century World. As a Dyspraxic you will have to adapt to all of this nonsense and strive to look the very best you can.

Dyspraxics are entitled to believe that people don't judge others on looks, but come on we all know that this is a fantasy. As fantastical as Liverpool beating Real Madrid in the final of the Champions League, an empty Saye Bay beach in mid-July, or public school boys not dominating the world's of journalism, politics, and finance. So much about Dyspraxia is finally quick but long-lasting solutions. Practically no-nonsense stuff that gets you through the day. Like a good office manager or good tea.

Mum had to get up very early before anyone else in the house even knew it wasn't yesterday anymore. The planning that goes into getting a young Dyspraxic just to the front gates of school is unbelievable. So now for all those exhausted Mother's and Father's I want to talk you through the getting dressed process with young people. Thank you, Mum.

Start with the buttoned shirt and always start with the bottom button and then methodically work your way up. Even if your child can't do it for themselves initially they will still benefit from watching on and this will help as you introduce them to the task. Next, do up the cuffs.

Now for a Dyspraxic ties are a flat-out nightmare and they will taunt even the most stoic of Dyspraxics for life. We just don't get them and there will be no marriage between us anytime soon. In actual fact can we ban them along with belts, shoe laces, shaving, and flies? Luckily eventually my best friend Harry taught me how to do a tie over a summer holiday in Alderney. A 10-year-old Harry used a method to do with Fatties and Thinies. Don't ask.

Harry became an immediate best friend when I witness a display of the bravest form of moral courage. Another mate had suggested that I couldn't possibly play footy in the playground because I was s-----. Instead of running away from the situation, Harry reminded him that he had a weak bladder and said he wanted me included in the highly competitive sphere of playground football. Suddenly I had a defender, someone who would offer a defence whatever the Dyspraxic weather. We remain the best of friends a good 27 years later, although we don't see each other nearly enough.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, the flies, belts, and trouser buttons. I am the inventor of wearing trousers round the knees and around '96 I should of bloody painted it but didn't. However, my trousers are never, not round my ankles. Once again this is frustrating. Frustration will always mar a Dyspraxic day. As a Dyspraxic you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. Remind yourself that you are not in Ukraine or Afghanistan, that you are not a child bride in Africa.

No belts seem to complicate the situation rather than solve the situation. It is a pity because Dyspraxic's need a dressing win and then are few of them about. However, read on for one very solid solution in the next hotly anticipated paragraph.

Jackets with zipped-up pockets are a life and wallet saver they mean that you don't drop things and that things are always in the right place. Get a proper jacket and it will teach you the discipline of staying in check and everyone needs that. Be very OCD about where things go and learn the place for tickets, wallets, and tissues.

What happens when it gets hot? Good question Sir or Madam well you have to find a man bag that you can use. Don't worry if people think you are a bit odd because it is better to be considered a bit odd than have to cancel debit cards every five minutes. Trust me it is a lot better.

So if you hate being patronised and being called 'Buddy' then take control of your image. Your image will take care of first impressions and mean that you are listened to more respectfully. Later on, the blog will cover the phycology of a 'good' and 'bad' image but for now, go and find a man's bag and jacket...It could just save you from some unneeded and unwanted stress. Isn't life stressful enough already?